Such a dramatic name every time I type it out. Dramatic when someone says it out loud too. I do exaggerate a lot in my day and my writing. When it comes to this hill, I do not. It is a monster, a beast, and it does make me feel closer to death than feeling alive. It is brutal and therefore, good practice for elevation training!

Today I decided I would go at this hill for at least an hour and hold on as long as I could after that. It has an elevation gain of around 270 feet each summit for 0.6 miles of climbing. It’s all on a sidewalk so it isn’t as intense as a local mountain or hill to many others. It would be my biggest elevation gain of the year if I could top 1,425 feet of gaining in one go. The most I have gotten up this hill so far is three times so let’s see if I could get four or more in the averagepaul record books!

With the weather at a cooler 85 degrees Fahrenheit for the start and the humidity around 50%, it would be a better summer run than typically (in theory). I started my first steps with a smile and a drive to take on this hill.

Ready to Rumbaaaaaaa!

I wish I could say I took off running at the speed of light. In reality, it was about 10:30 per mile pace which would be my overall pace pretty consistently for this training day. The heat didn’t get to me in the first few minutes and a small breeze going on felt fantastic. As I made my way half way up the first hill trial, my legs felt a little tired for some reason. I hadn’t put in a lot of miles in the last couple of days of running and I just chalked it up to needing to warm up. Oh well, I was already well on my way up this bad boy so that would be my warm up.

I passed the half way point of the hill with a smile and before I knew it, I hit the top of the hill to record my first hill summit. One down and four to go! Maybe it would easier than I thought? (Future Paul laughs at this).

I cruised down the hill at around 8 minute mile pace and stuck to the small amount of grass along the sidewalk. It felt great changing the surface on the way down and my shins thanked me. My watch showed 1.3 miles were covered once I hit the bottom of the hill and it was time to rinse and repeat. Back up we go!

At about 12 to 13 minutes into the run and on the second attempt, the heat crept up to 90 degrees and I was starting to feel it. The first half of the hill still wasn’t feeling too shabby. I felt myself holding my form together and I quickly decided that a water break would need to happen between the second and third summit. Unfortunately, I decided this at the halfway point of the climb so I would need to finish the climb, run back down the hill, then get my water. At least it created some motivation to get up the hill.

Once I hit the top, I realized that the one time I did three attempts was pretty good and not too bad of a bar to shoot for. The mental debate began. “Three summits last time was a solid workout, why not match that? You can always find another time to try to do this hill more times when it’s cooler (not likely in Texas).” The arguments made by lazy Paul are always pretty strong at this point of a run. Fortunately, I was able to focus on getting water and I tried my best to keep my mind centered on nothing else. As I cruised down the hill for the second time, I saw my car in the distance and got excited for some, now warm, water in the system.

I pulled up next to my car and downed a water bottle in seconds. I put another bit over my head and then soaked my bucket hat. In case you were wondering, yes the cool bucket hat. After twenty seconds into my make shift pit stop, I turned around and went up for attempt number 3.

The rumba turning into a trot…

The first half of the hill on the third attempt was not pretty and the second half looked worse. I passed a couple people who wisely were sitting under a tree and enjoying the shade. They were also wise to not be running up the hill. I did not look very impressive passing and suddenly had to take my first walking break. I decided to walk part of the steepest portion and gave my legs about a 30 second “break”. Hard to call it a break when the incline is brutal but it was more recovery than running that section.

I picked up running again and started to have serious doubts whether five attempts would be happening or not. “Get to the top” I muttered in my brain. “No”, thought my brain back. Pretty good logic by the brain. Luckily my muttering won out and I crested the top around the 35 minute mark. Pays to be stubborn.

At this point, I could not figure out if that was my third or fourth attempt. Seriously, my brain turned off towards the top. I think the buckets of sweat I had lost started messing with my head and as I headed back down the hill, it took a couple minutes to determine that it was the third attempt and not the fourth. The only reason I could figure it out for sure was because my watch showed 35 minutes of running and there was no way I was covering all that running, up the hill included, at eight minute per mile as an average pace. My brain must have decided three should have been it and tried to convince my body so. It did work for a little bit. Although I only had three done, at least I had my answer even though accomplishing the fourth attempt would have been so much nicer.

There was no cruise down the hill this time. It was mostly a pitiful wobble as I mentally prepped myself to do it again. I decided to go for another 20 second water break and a prayer to the running gods for more energy. One of these was granted when I got to the car and I soaked myself down with water. I put my head down, glanced at the watch of doom, and began the run back up. Every step would be the new current hill record for me at this point so that was the silver lining!

I went for attempt number four and honestly, it did go better than number three. I think the passing cars and the people under the tree were worried about my physical health and my mental health deteriorating but you can’t win them all. I got up to the half way point and thought, I’m still alive! My goal for the second part of the hill was to run a little further than the time I had stopped previously. If it led to a walk, so be it.

I continued the climb with my head down and passed the lamp I walked at last time. I decided to just keep the feet moving and before I knew it, the top of the hill was coming into sight again! Woooohoooo to your average runner paul. The record books had been written and that was the most times I had made it up the Hill of Death. And, I didn’t puke or get too bad of a sunburn.

As I turned around at the top and made my way back down, my watch was at 52 minutes. I wanted to top an hour of hill running and my original goal of five times up was now in reach. It still felt far away at the bottom of the hill but all I needed to do was get up it one more time. Since I had already walked a portion on the third attempt, walking was now allowed.

Down, down, down went my feet as I went towards my car and it wasn’t until the absolute bottom of the hill that I decided to go for attempt number five. I committed to this goal a couple weeks ago and it was time to follow through on my declaration. Hill of Death, you will be conquered!

If hills could laugh, this one would have been on the floor with tears. I definitely did not conquer it and I looked like a shell of the runner I was an hour ago. A sunburnt, crispy shell. Even my bucket hat couldn’t make me look good (I know, big surprise). The walk breaks happened much sooner than expected and I ended up breaking it down into three portions. My body stopped sweating at this point and I took one step at a time as I grinned to the top. Even the running between the walk breaks was pretty questionable.

I finally reached the top. Five down and I fell down onto the grass.

Oof-da. OOF-DA. That last attempt hurt real bad and I sat on the ground huffing and puffing for quite a bit. Why didn’t I decide to be a golfer where you can drink and exercise? Comfortably too I may add.

There would be no sixth attempt on this day. I hoped that it made enough feet of elevation to gain the yearly record. It felt harder on that attempt than the rest combined. At least I had done it!

I did the final downhill leg back to my car and I would have sat in the grass longer if I didn’t have to get back to work. Also, I had a couple pizza slices in the car that had my name on it. I couldn’t let that go bad in the heat and it definitely was my motivation to get back down that hill. A shoutout to my non sponsor, Jet’s pizza, for providing the pizza. And by providing it, those were my leftovers from dinner yesterday.

After I collapsed into my car seat, I looked up the total elevation gain. The total ended up being…1375! I was about 50 feet short of my yearly record but there was nothing left in the tank to top that now. The second longest hill gain wasn’t too bad to experience either. My average pace was about 10 minutes and 30 seconds per mile and I hit 6.5 miles of hill climbing. I smiled that I hit my goal of getting up that hill 5 times and bit into my pizza with a happy heart. Man, it tasted so much better than anything I felt in that past hour.

Hope you all have had a great start to September and wishing you all the best for any hills along your running routes!